were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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