FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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