So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
