Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wish there were birth control emojis
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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