We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
