A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
