Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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