It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
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stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
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All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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