Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
