I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
