theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
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An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
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Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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