1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
