I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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