i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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