that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
