Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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