Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am available for nakedness
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
