i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
