I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
