Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
