Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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