May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
