I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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