Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is my gift to your gina
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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