so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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