If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
