peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
