Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
