I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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