My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
