My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
