Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
