Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
