I CAN MOONWALK!
I cockslap morals
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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