you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
