I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
