I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
