I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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