She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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