when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
