I can't breathe out the right side of my face
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
