fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm passing your future prison.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
