look no pants
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
