I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
