evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
