I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
