I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
