You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
