I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
