And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
