I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
