i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
