There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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