perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
