So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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