I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
