In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
